I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
