put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
