we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
