omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
