Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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