Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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