Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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