my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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