First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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