U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
