dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
