i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
