so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
