So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
