before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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