Will you blow on my dice?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
