I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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