i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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