it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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