How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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