I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
