here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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