You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
