i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
