So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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