I seem to have left my pride at pride
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
