You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
