Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
