i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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