Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
