is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
