Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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