you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
