so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
