my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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