can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
