I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
