I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
