Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wanna passion pit in your ass
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
