I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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