So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
