hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
