That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
one might say we're banned from that church
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
