i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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