He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
