You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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