Where did you get a picture of my penis
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
