I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
