OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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