Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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