is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
