If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
