you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
