I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
