you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
